Is Reconnecting with an Ex Ever a Good Idea?

As a breakup recovery coach, I'll be honest, generally, the answer to this hot question is no. 

After all, you did break up for a reason. 

And most of the time, the reason will continue to be the same reason why you should never get back together again... ever.

But there are some instances in which it's a good idea to get back together with an ex:

More...

  1. If you get along really well together, but something that was out of both your hands led to your separation.

    This way, you know that the relationship was already good, so it's OK to pick it up again.
  2. If you both have grown and learned a lot from your past experiences in love.

    People change and sometimes that change can lead to a much better relationship.
  3. If you truly think that they have what it takes to form a great relationship with you. 

    And, of course, if you both are willing to learn from your breakup to make this work again.

    The relationship consists of two people, after all. Both must want it in order for it to work.

And here's when it's a terrible idea to try to connect with your old flame:

  1. The person hasn't changed at all.

    Even if you meet in a different stage of life, where they are in a position to commit to you, that doesn't mean that they are still relationship material. 

    In order for a relationship to work, both must have grown to become different people so that they can begin a different relationship. The same relationship would result in the same problems that tore you apart to begin with
  2. You're more in love with the idea of the relationship than them as a person.

    Some people get back together for no other reason than the fact that a relationship completes them.

    That means that you can substitute anyone suitable in, and you'll be satisfied. You must truly want the person as they are in order for this to work.
  3. You're lonely.

    We tend to lower our standards when lonely, and if having an old flame back is better than nothing, you'll find yourself in more drama than you asked for.
  4. You think that this is as good as it gets.

    If our self-esteem is so low that we'll settle for less than what we deserve, that's exactly what we will get.

And what if you're in a committed relationship with someone else?

If you have stronger feelings for your old flame than to your current partner, then no matter what, you have to come clean with your current partner and break it off as soon as possible.

Cheating is never OK, and at this time, you've already emotionally cheated on your partner.

Make sure that you know that you want this, because there's no guarantee of a long-term relationship with your old flame either, and I would say that if they can emotionally cheat with you, they can emotionally cheat on you.

Using more logic than emotion will help you best in this tricky situation.

Last but not least...

Before reconnecting with someone from your past, you should make a list of the reasons why you're doing this. The most important question to answer is if your old flame is actually relationship material.

Key Takeaway:

Before you take things further with an old ex, ask yourself, "Is he actually relationship material?" And be very honest about it.

It doesn't matter how long you've known them or how you feel towards them if they get bored of you after 2 years.

If they are still intense, angry, spiteful, manipulative or abandoning, you're better off dating someone new.

  • 4th November 2019

About the Author

Hi, I'm Cherlyn. I'm a breakup recovery and dating coach who helps successful, high-achieving women get over their ex bfs/husbands, heal fully and find love again.I've been featured as an expert on Business Insider, Mindbodygreen, Huffington Post, Elite Daily, Bustle, Lifehack, etc. Watch my FREE "Science of Why Successful Career Women LOVE Toxic Men" Workshop to find out about the research and neuroscience behind this phenomenon.

0 Shares
Tweet
Pin
Share
Email